Written by kang8grace
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Sunday, 25 December 2016

A recently conducted Gilmour poll showed that an overwhelming 69% of Americans are concerned about the Syrian refugee crisis affecting the United States.

In response, scientists have proposed a solution to launch refugees into the sun. For a small amount of a billion dollars, every refugee seeking asylum can be removed from the planet, making the situation better for everyone, except for a large number of people.

By launching Syrian refugees into the sun, a majority of the problems associated with the crisis will be solved. Countries such as Turkey and Germany will no longer be required to grant asylum to the millions of Syrians looking for help since they will cease to exist. As a result, the EU will save billions of dollars that could go to other equally useless causes such as turning the entire continent of Europe into an amusement park.

Some peaceful individuals are concerned about this solution's morals. However, the scientific community has come to a consensus that it would greatly benefit the planet. It is agreed that killing millions of innocent refugees would bring mankind one step closer to solving overpopulation. The international space community stands in support as well; many astronomers say that launching refugees into the sun will help them learn a lot about space and the human body.

Christine Barnes, a stay at home mom, explains, "Even though it's a scientific fact that people die when they get too close to the sun, we still need to see it happen at least once, or we'll never really know if it's true. I did that last fall when all seven of my kids got whooping cough because I didn't vaccinate them."

Kay Eldridge, an American, concludes, "No country wants these refugees. It's not our responsibility to help them, even if we caused it. We may have accidentally formed ISIS, but we are going to form a solution that fixes it -- for us, of course."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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