Written by Breeze
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Monday, 11 December 2006

image for Cinderella man Hawking wins World Heavyweight crown
Obviously I will be defending my title - Hawking

He promised us a spectacle and last night Professor Stephen Hawking was as good as his word. In a night of thrills and spills, the plucky paraplegic finally conquered man mountain Klitschko to become boxing champion of the world.

In only six rounds, Hawking clubbed his opponent into submission with a breathtaking display of boxing skill and sublime dexterity.

The professor was little more than a blur as he trundled round the ring dodging, weaving and occasionally unleashing his boxing glove on a spring.

Klitschko, although dominant in the early rounds was clearly rocked in the third after Hawking ran over his foot and things went from bad to worse for the former champ as a flurry of punches in the fifth left him holding onto the ropes for support.

Although paralysed from the eyebrows down, Hawking moved with the speed and grace of a jungle cat although there was one awkward moment when he fell out of his chair whilst being hoisted into the ring.

The former physicist is clearly enjoying his new role in the public eye and entered the arena to the strains of 'Dr Who', paying tribute to his legion of fans who have dubbed him 'Davros' and calling themselves 'The Daleks'

The end came for Klitschko 30 seconds into the sixth round when Hawking unleashed a devestating attack which left the Soviet fighter on the canvas. Obviously dazed and calling for his 'mummy' Klitschko was put out of his misery when the referee deemed him unfit to continue. He was taken back to Russia in disgrace and shot.

So what now for the pugilistic professor? Hawking has achieved the seemingly impossible, he is the oldest Heavyweight Boxing Champ and the least mobile, yet he still appears to have to prove himself.

"Obviously I will be defending my title," he told our reporter last night, "But I have dreams of reuniting the WBA, WBF and WBC belts to become the greatest fighter who ever lived."

Cinderella man indeed!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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