An inside source in Santa's workshop, namely Mrs. Claus, has revealed that Jolly Saint Nick will have the unenviable task of delivering tons of coal to Trump Towers this Christmas.
Mrs. Claus, or Karma as she like to be called, talked to this reporter about the task that has fallen on her and her famous husband.
"God and Jesus are not intervening in world events so it's up to my husband to send a negative signal from the universe to Donald Trump, but all Chris can really do is give him a lump, or in this case a really huge lump of coal, we're talking millions of tons, more than even Fedex, UPS and DHL can deliver so we've ordered Chinese coal too, those ships will arrive in time for Christmas delivery."
Days before my conversation with Mrs. Claus, Trump fired off a Tweet-storm when news leaked of the impending coal delivery:
"Santa buying Chinese coal while perfectly good American coal and oil is available. Sad. SS [Secret Service] will refuse delivery and Santa's liberal agenda."
And then this tweet which was later deleted:
"Terrorist Santa will be shot down by Secret Service, Trump Towers is a no fly zone now that I'm president elect."
When Karma was asked how Santa would deal with a refusal of delivery, she smiled and explained.
He's Santa dear, so he'll use some magic to make a symbolic delivery inside Trump Towers, but the rest will be dumped around the building so the whole world can see, then people will get the Christmas spirit, they'll feel it when they are reminded that miracles do indeed happen and Christmas is one of those times!"