Written by Paul Blake
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Saturday, 10 December 2016

image for Rudolph Refusing To Go Anywhere Near Aleppo
Sorry Aleppo - The Dear-Leader Has Spoken!

North Pole, Arctic - Rudolph is not apologizing for his recent weekend Twitter rampage, stating that he will not be forced to drop presents off in Aleppo, Syria.

Sighting claims that it is far too dangerous to go anywhere near the bombed-out city, this marks the first occasion that the red-nosed dear-leader has ever officially struck an entire group of kids off of Santa's list.

Critics say that it is not fair to punish the children of the city, who need some free Disney crap more than just about anywhere else in the world right now. And that this is the job which Rudolph and his gang signed up for.

The diva reindeer took to Twitter again on Sunday to respond to critics, saying that 'he blames the parents of the children who are still living in the city, and that he is more than happy to drop off a big pile of presents just across the border in Turkey, in a safe zone set aside by the U.N.'

"But that's not the same as waking up on Christmas to find Elsa under the tree," stated one angry mother, who refused to give her name. "I don't understand," cried the woman. "We still have a perfectly good part of our roof that he can land on. And we hardly ever get shelled during the midnight hours. I think he's being a bit of a prima-donna, if you ask me!"

Lawyers familiar with reindeer and other livestock matters, say that Rudolph is contractually obligated to fulfill his Christmas duties, and they expect to file a class-action lawsuit against Santa and his team if they do not drop off all the toys that the children have been asking for.

Others speculate that it could be Santa himself who is Tweeting on Rudolph's Twitter page, since it would be very hard to use an iphone with reindeer hooves. 'Rudolph's' last tweet on the matter was perhaps his harshest yet, tweeting: How about I fly over and take a big reindeer dump on your city. Would you like that? You can light it on fire to stay warm!

'Which is totally something Santa would say,' critics point out. "Remember when he threatened to drop a 'big steamer' on Rwanda, if they didn't get their act together.

"And we won't be fooled again, like we were last year," said our saddened mother. "Toys are not pushed out of a helicopter in a barrel. That was just Assad in a fake Santa beard!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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