Written by Paul Blake
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Monday, 5 December 2016

image for Tokyo Unveils 2020 Mascots - Sex Dolls!
Kinki wants you to come to the 2020 Tokyo Games, real, real bad.

Tokyo, Japan - In a move that greatly saddened Hello Kitty lovers across Japan, the Tokyo committee announced on Friday that they have decided to go with two inflatable sex dolls, as the mascots for 2020.

Head of the committee, Titzi Wowhi, stated that they needed to make a few moves that would compete with their rivals, China, who spent over 3 gazillion dollars on their Beijing games. "Other than Hello Kitty," stated Wowhi, "this is what Japan is best known for. And although I have a profound love for that sweet Kitty, we needed to spice things up a bit, and let visitors know that it's ok to come to Japan and fornicate in public during the games.

Yes, apparently these are more than just mere mascots. Anyone coming to the games, who spots one of the 14-foot-tall sex dolls, named Kinki and Winki, will be allowed to chase them down and do whatever they damn well please with them. "Just not allowed to marry them," explained Commissioner Wowhi, who explains that the two slutty dolls are already spoken for.

"Of course, smaller versions of the dolls, (both human and pillow size,) you will be allowed to marry. These dolls will be on sale during the games, and available for pre-order starting on Monday. Japan estimates that the sales of these smaller Kinki and Winki dolls, will more than pay for the 300 Trillion yen that they plan on spending to host The Games.

"So don't forget to bring your condoms everyone," said the commissioner, "...or don't, it doesn't really matter."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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