Written by Jaggedone
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Sunday, 27 November 2016

image for Dutch ducks Doomsday!
Blame the paltry pigeon next because it's nearly Christmas and pigeon pie is on the menu!

Confirming the common known fact that the utilisation of an ancient cliché, "Double Dutch" means you are completely NUTS; the Dutch government have proven to the world that it's utterly true!

The Dutch duck population is about to be culled because their birds got the flu and who better to blame than dead ducks? Over 190.000 Dutch ducks are having their necks twisted and heads removed because Bird Flu is a deadly pest and could affect humans who consume uncooked poultry products! Hence, a vegan tsunami drowning the planet has grown to ginormous proportions in Holland. In fact, sales of hand-made-painted with windmills, Dutch wooden clogs have rocketed since the bird flu pest was announced.

Huge amounts of turkeys were shipped to the US for their annual gorge festival called, Thanksgiving, at very low prices before the Dutch decided to scare the pants off of turkey consumers and global ornithologists. Typical Double Dutch not ducking great deals!

As for the poor, dead 190.000 Dutch duck population, they will be shipped to China and other far off Asian regions, dried, churned into powder form and offered to impotent Chinese hoping for a quick erection instead of their normal "lame duck" efforts. Confirming Holland as a global purveyor of perfect conservationism because sniffing dead pulverised ducks is much better for multi-millionaire white hunters killing elephants and rhino before poachers do the job for them!

Holland remains a tiny, flat country, but man do they know how to turn ugly dead ducks into beautiful, bountiful bucks! Maybe they are not so "double Dutch" after all!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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