God announced plans today for a new super casino to be built in Heaven. The new complex will be one of the biggest structures ever created and will feature 24 hour gambling and a huge hotel complex.
The move comes following last years dismal turn out, where profits dipped by 30% and many people decided to spend their afterlife in Hell.
"God realised that he was being left behind when Satan revealed his new look Underworld. It was fantastic, spas, coffee shops, gyms and state of the art torture rooms. It was getting to the point were people wanted to go there rather than heaven. The afterlife is a cut throat business and if you don't want to get left behind, you've got to move with the times."
A spokesman for God said today, "Traditionally, Heaven is where people want to spend their death but we have seen a decline in numbers recently. There are many reasons for this, both economic and social but ultimatly we have to move with the times. People no longer want to spend their time praying and flogging themselves. They want to have a good time."
God also revealed that he would be allowing alcohol and drugs for the first time and that planning proposal for a brothel had been granted