After nine months of intensive deliberations, a leaked dossier prepared by the bipartisan Iraq Study Group co-chaired by James Baker, a former Secretary of State (Republican) and Lee Hamilton (Democrat), a former U.S. Representative has come to light, and its most important excerpts concludes the following out of the 79 recommendations:
The NYPD (New York Police Department) and LAPD (Los Angeles Police Department) will replace the US Army in Iraq. The New (NYPD and LAPD) force will be commanded by General Michael 'Rage' Richards, who played Cosmo Kramer on Seinfeld, and recently of the 'Laugh Factory Incident' fame.
President Bush has to complete his Junior High School education immediately.
President Bush has to permanently drop the words 'weapons of mass destruction in Iraq' from his vocabulary.
Britney Spears is to wear the Burqa [burka] for the rest of her life, soon after she is deported to Iraq.
Michael Jackson will be the new Roman Catholic Priest of Baghdad Central Church.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie may adopt Saddam Hussein after a presidential pardon is granted on the former tyrant, immediately making Saddam a younger brother to Maddox. Madonna on the other hand is forbidden to adopt any Iraqis.
Recently divorced 'ex Baywatch Babe' Pamela Anderson, will help to reconcile the hostile American-Iraq relationship, by marrying and becoming the fourth wife of the Shi'a cleric Muqtada al-Sadr.
President Bush is to address Vice President Dick Cheney as Vice President Dick Cheney, not 'My Lord' or 'Master', from this day forth.
President Bush must consider hiring an English tutor, preferably one with a British accent - this will prevent future misunderstandings or misconceptions from his speeches that could otherwise lead to a future global catastrophe.