Written by joseph k winter
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Tuesday, 6 September 2016

image for U of Texas dildo movement goes viral
Arms companies such as Lockheed Martin and Thor Global Defense Group are considering new product toys due to the decline

Last week students at the University of Texas protested a law allowing concealed weapons on campus by exhibiting dildos on tee shirts, plus carrying around plastic replicas in a large variety of colors and sizes.

Students are pointing to the absurdity of misplaced law in assessing danger to the public, since dildos are forbidden on campus whereas concealed weapons are not.

With their slogan "Drop your Glocks and Grab your C***s" as the rallying cry, the students' campaign has immediately swept the globe.

This phrasing resonates with the old adage for military bunkrooms: "Reveille! Reveille! Reveille! Drop your c***s and grab your socks!"

The Glock pistol part of the slogan is seen as symbolic of the massive global arms arsenal in handguns, assault rifles, cannons, fighter jets, aircraft carriers, crushing equipment, and nuclear weapons being disposed here and there in the interests of "peace."

In a sudden viral burst, applications of this movement from the University of Texas have widened to--

*drop the hysteria and get the hell out of Syria!

*drop the arms sales and grab the peace scales!

*drop all the war and get with restore!

*drop your bikini and grab a burqini!

*drop your Speedo it's a diet you need-O!

Clearly, however, as Pentagon spokespersons point out, response to the "Drop your Glocks" movement has had a dramatic slowing impact on weapons sales in general.

The Arms Industry is reported deeply concerned.

But the "grab your c***s" application is being seen as a promising possibility toward World Peace.

Scholarly research indicates that males with firm grip on the male organ, instead of, for example, the Glock pistol, are usually more peaceful and approaching a somnolent condition.

The placative nature for the male in clutching the member has been well-known for centuries, and was once used by Emperor Caligula to quiet his legions while waiting for a battle to get started.

Leaders in parliament and congress have been known to lose the thread of their remarks in important addresses while keeping this organ comfortable behind the rostrum and out of sight of the viewing public.

University of Texas students are now getting recognition and could be eligible in forthcoming Nobel Peace Prize considerations.

For the first time in many years, the State of Texas is basking in world admiration as a forward-looking place to visit in the United States.

But that will continue only if Texas has actually dropped a sufficient number of Glocks, with a corresponding number of c***s grasped at the same time in service to the community.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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