Written by Jung in the Jungle
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Topics: Australia, Oil Spill

Sunday, 7 August 2016

image for BP to export successful Deepwater Horizon Drilling Technology to Australian Marine Parks
Things are looking bright for the future of Aussie Marine Parks

In a move widely seen within the marine oil drilling industry as innovative BP is set to export its "world class technology" from the Deepwater Horizon site to Australia.

"We were pleased at how effectively we were able to gag media, populous and government outrage and now are exporting this same public relations model to the Australian Great Bight" quoted the BP spinperson.

Industry spokesman said they had an excellent record in covering up safety breaches and hosing down the local populations and governments. We have advocated this PR model to all other industry members.

When asked about what changes had occurred to ensure another Deepwater spill didn't happen again they cited the increase in international media ownership that would help hose down the fire. When this reporter indicated he meant engineering technology to stop a Gulf repeat they explained that "BP believed that Communications Technology was a more cost effective solution".

Local wildlife groups were not outraged as that didn't work anymore, but they would certainly be the first to market a "Told you so" t-shirt with the first inevitable accident in the marine park. From the t-shirt sales they hoped to finance a "Told you so boat"

The government was asked for its stance on such a dangerous precedent for a company with the poorest safety record in the world to drill in marine parks they replied "it is our policy not to discuss ongoing matters that are subject to speculation", when pressed for a direct answer they replied "it is not our policy to discuss policy and we are unable to confirm or deny on whether boat refugees are throwing their babies overboard, but it sure seems that way".

BP to drill in Marine Parks

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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