Written by Jung in the Jungle
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Topics: Australia

Sunday, 7 August 2016

image for Australian government declares Trump an inhumane nutter and will adopt most of his policies
malcolm turnbull

The Australian government known from its Howard era label of "little sheriff johnny" in its role as the antipodean US enforcer of world nastiness, has unanimously decided to adopt the most toxic and damaging of Trumps policies.

In an official release the government spokesspinner said "the liberal party had been watching with interest the extent to which he was able to confuse the public on policy matters. The Australian government had exhausted all domestic spin and the public is said to need fresh spin to keep them civicly dis-engaged".

Having recently trashed their parliamentary majority in a strategic election move that originally intended to nobble the senate they were now looking for alternative spin approaches. We look forward to liaising with Trumps government team to find a basis for developing better policy. American spin always had a superior effect here and we are worried Australians will find out soon we have trashed their socio-economic future for some petty short term political gains. So it is important we ramp up the noise until we get soma gas and national surveillance bills through parliament.

The new administration is distancing themselves from Howards previous clumsy cultural vandals approach to destroying rational public dialogue. They would be starting Trump rhetoric workshops around the country with the aim bringing together all the crackpots in one common dialogue and create the most utterly confused public governance ever known.

"This is a proud day in the progress of our great island that finally we can stop all divergence from our agenda and get some conformance so we can get this country back on track", proudly spouted the liberal party spokespinner. When asked what that agenda was they stated "it was policy to never discuss policy and we unable to confirm or deny if the boat people were throwing their children overboard, but it did look that way". "Further the boat people of which most were Muslims and therefore terrorists would now be subject to harsher treatment than our previous compassionate approach of long term incarceration on an isolated Pacific Island". To support their claims they published a blurry picture of a baby in a bathtub.

When asked about any concerns with their international reputation they replied that being the antipodean sheriff offered lots of opportunities for government ministers to advance themselves and was therefore good for Australia. Further they were proud of their role as the leading innovator of right wing fundamentalism government and would be looking to aggressively export this model to the rest of the minor islands down under. The Down Under strategy included bullying all the smaller nations with the threat of melting the ice down south to drown out their noisy protests. "The success of Trumpmmania has given us renewed vigour for making real political progress down under", they spruiked.

Now particularly with a Senate riddled with minor parties all with the deluded notion anything they say matters we need more spin to protect the Australian people from their confusion.

They will be seeking early discussions with Trumps new Department of Copy Cats to seek an authorised copy down under. "This represents a quantum breakthrough in government operations and take us into a new era of highly polished glitter, a critical aspect in the ongoing march of civilisation", they bragged. When asked if this was pre-mature given that the election has finished yet they replied "it was not appropriate to discuss matters that are party to proceedings at this time".

When asked about the issues after the election was over they replied "that was the old Australia and the mistake of trying to solve substantive issues was bad for electoral prospects and was now the old way of doing politics. We find it is better to run the country from a constant election mode, if offers superior policy outcomes for ordinary Australians and better parliamentary perks".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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