Written by SamIAm
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Friday, 17 June 2016

image for Animal Trainer Routinely Uses Whip and Gun On Tiger - Has Audacity To Act Surprised When Animal Chews His Arms Off
Meeka - only moments after she chewed off Peter Dawson's arms.

Toronto - A local animal trainer for the Toronto Zoo suffered severe injuries when his tiger, Meeka, turned on him during a training session and gnawed his arms off. According to fellow workmates, the trainer, Peter Dawson, 38, routinely whipped Meeka on the nose with a bull whip, or fired a .22 pistol next to the tiger's ear.

"He'd been doing it for weeks," said Alissa Jenkins, 23. "I didn't like it. I tried to tell him it was wrong and that he should stop, that Mother Nature has her own form of justice, but he wouldn't listen." Jenkins stated that Dawson waved her away, stating that he was in total control and nothing showed superiority over a wild animal better than a whip, a gun and a man with "balls like mine."

"I was right there when Meeka attacked," says Miss Jenkins. "Peter fired the gun, snapped his whip on the tip of Meeka's nose and in a flash, Meeka was all over him. Peter looked directly at me and the idiot actually looked surprised. It was funny - I mean - very terrible. Yeah. I meant to say that. Terrible."

Miss Jenkins continued: "He kept calling out between screams as Meeka chewed his arms off. He said stuff like 'Why, Meeka? I loved you! AAAAAAH! What did I ever do to you? OOOOH MY GOOOOOOOD! I sure didn't see this coming! AAAAA-HAAA-HAAAH! This is way out of left field!"

"Peter always had the habit of hurting people and animals," said Peter Dawson's father Albert Dawson, 68 and a farmer his entire life. "Then he would act surprised, even offended, when his victims fought back. What a dumb ass."

Albert Dawson related how his son had slapped his new wife on their honeymoon because she had turned on the TV when he'd told her not to. "She fisted up and punched him dead in the nose, kicked him in the nut sack, too." Says Albert. "She filed for divorce the next day and that stupid son of mine had the gall to call me up, crying his bloody eyes out and saying he didn't know what was going on, why she would leave him and that all he did was slap her one time. What a dingle-berry."

Albert recalled the time Peter crossed a busy street without looking for cars, because he claimed to have the right-of-way and that traffic should stop for him. "He strolled slowly across the street as if he was the coolest man on the planet. As if all the cars were just going to stop for him. Needless to say, he got hit," says the father. "I was there. As he sailed through the air he looked at me with extreme bewilderment and shock - as if to say, "Gee! That was totally unexpected.'"

Peter Dawson remains in a coma with a frozen look on his face of "extreme surprise" according to doctors. Meeka was released in the wilds of India to live out her days.

"It just goes to show," says Peter's father, as he stood over his unconscious son, "if you push someone hard enough and oppress them for a long time, don't act surprised when they turn on you and rip your guts open. Now Peter can never use a gun or whip again. He's - he's unarmed." Then, as he walked out of the room, he laughed and laughed. "Unarmed. Damn this is going to be fun!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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