Written by Mike Las Alva
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Thursday, 16 June 2016

image for Pandas Removed from Endangered List and Placed on Menu
Pandas are low in cloresteral

With all the new cuddly pandas springing up in zoos and in the wild, people are wondering what they taste like. So at the Duon Gevafuk restaurant in Mainland China, they have begun conjuring recipes and sauces to commemorate this special occasion.

The Chinese National Dog is the panda, and like most dogs, the panda loves bamboo. Most dishes will be served in some sort of fried bamboo-shoot stir-fry thing, but the delicacy will be the panda's eyes, which are said to allow anyone to see in black and white.

"We only eat the eyes of the living baby panda," says Muyn Won. "First, you gently remove the eyes with a screwdriver or a rusty nail, then you set them free. Next we just wait until they fall into a river and drown. We serve their bloated bodies with a special spice and sour garnish."

They are taking reservations now and charging $8 USD per seat. Each seat includes one dead panda and a big handful of slightly cleaned bamboo. Unique sauces from dolphins and manatees are 10รง each. Supplies are limited.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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