Written by Auntie Matter
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Sunday, 5 June 2016

image for Archaeological Find Reveals the Bush Bloodline
The Burning Bush On Being Told of 9/11. Time for lunch.

"George Bush"... The True Origin of the Name.

These pages written by Saint John on the Island of Patmos may be the most important discovery of the century,... aside from the mountains on Pluto. The discovery of Pluto's mountains sent the poor and dispossessed of the world into the streets for days of mad rejoicing the likes of which we may never see again.

The papyrus was discovered in a chip shop in Jerusalem. The waiter had wrapped a burger in parchment for an archaeologist who had been working nights on a nearby quarry once frequented by the Essenes, the same Essenes who had written the Dead Sea Scrolls and been running a bookie shop in downtown Jerusalem since the Romans built a race track at Caesarea. Knowing what he had found, the archaeologist abandoned his burger immediately, and fled the shop. Running through the cobbled streets he heard the voice of Satan tempting him with a possible Ebay auction and the end of his mortgage woes.

This historical document is important for two reasons. First of all, it gives validation to the long, free holidays in the East enjoyed by ageing American academics. Secondly, if true, its assertions lend credence to the esoteric, Masonic folklore that gave rise to the Skull and Bones fraternity of Yale University, Connecticut, of which many prominent politicians are members,... including, and especially, the wealthy Bush family.

Here then, is St. John's actual text: This is a modern translation please note. You can get signed copies of it from Bush-Scholastic-Publications on the internet, with a foreword by Bill Clinton.

"And Lo it came to pass, as Moses was downloading the ten commandments his manservant Ishmael who had been secretly watching from afar, and being without shades, was stricken down by the incandescence of the fiery bush. Raising his eyes he didst but stare in wonder as Moses... thrown back in amazement as he was not good on his feet, forsook his packed lunch of sardines to listen onto The Lord.

Ishmael was blown away by what he was witnessing. Mindful of his Egyptian captivity he had an immediate vision of a drawing of a 13 step pyramid with a light on top, printed on scraps of paper. He saw these rain down from heaven amidst much wailing and lamentations.

And, after Moses descended the mount carrying aloft the tablet of the Ten Commandments, Ishmael didst raise up courage and comest onto the flaming bush for a closer look.
"Bush... what hast thee all hot and bothered? Bushes don't burn at night... unless they be Roman bushes set alight for carousing and gambling. Art thou a gambling bush and hast thou fleeced our leader? Hath Moses gone down the mountain with a beaten docket? And why is he carrying the tablet above his head when it is night and he can't be seen for miles? Or do these flaming leaves give hint of an orgy that Aaron is very probably planning right now? And can ye throw some light on this strange word "dollar" that keeps popping into my head amidst much wailing and lamentations? Moreover, thine timing is out of whack Oh Lord. You and Moses have got to stop meeting like this."
"Thou hast stuffed up, Ismael!" sayeth the bush. "Thou hast gate-crashed onto Mine Glory and hast discerned my style of delivery. Hence, thou must forevermore takest onto thyself and thine kin the name "Bush". Got it? And I am not making this up."
""Verily Lord, in view of the fact that thine voice hath rattled the trees betwixt here and Rome and thou hath stirred into life my constipated bowels... soeth be it," said Ishmael.
'Thus am I pleased," sayeth the Lord onto Ishmael. "Now, piss off before I smite thee sideways."

Hence the desert "gorge" where grew Moses' bush also became part of Ishmael's divinely decreed name. "Gorge Bush" down the years gradually got corrupted into "George Bush".... but none comprehendeth it. And it didn't stop there.

And so, the name was handed down as Bush generation begat Bush generation and fleeced all who got in their way until the lunacy called 9/11 when not a stone was left upon a stone... on the day when US president "George Bush" attended a children's school and remained as high as the midnight flaming bush from whence he derived his name while the whole world was driven into polarity, madness and delusion.

So hast the Lord dictated to me John on the rugged isle of Patmos. And I have no idea how I got here. I'd rather be in Capri.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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