Written by queen mudder
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Topics: Vatican, Video Games

Wednesday, 6 December 2006

image for Vatican launches Xmas market best-seller Creationist video game
Players are rewarded with genuine fragments of the Real Cross

Vatican City - (Ass Mess): The Vatican is on to a winner! The Pontifical Office for Hysterical Records has launched its very own Creationist video game that has gone straight to the number one slot in the Xmas market.

Scareforce for Good is set in the post-apocalyptic town of Crawford, Texas and features the Holy Army Commander battling the Antichrist in the Land of the Infidel.

Players are 'born again' and take up 'holy orders' to crusade or convert oil-rich heathens in order to re-invent the United States as a Creationist outreach post of the Holy Roman Empire and establish the President's hallucinatory projections of a TheoCon universe governed by the Divine Rule of Flaw.

The game features a villainous female Anti-Christ Supreme Court Judge who says that George Bush Junior was invented by dot com bankrupts previously working in the US oil industry.

Needless to say, slaying this particular dragon is a prime objective of the game and players earn browne points each time Her Honor is slimed, slandered, libeled or lampooned in the media.

The Patriarch of Rome is a key character in the game and depicted as a kindly old gentleman who saved millions of potential holocaust victims during his childhood days as a boy-scout.

The ultimate goal of the game is to re-establish Fundamental Christianity as the state religion in heathen territories with proven oil reserves of not less than five million barrels of marker crude per day.

Players reaching the game's conclusion are rewarded with genuine fragments of the Real Cross as scientific proof of archaeological evidence is unearthed showing the New Testament as a verbatim historical record of what actually happened during the Roman occupation of Judea.

All proceeds of the game go to the Vatican Bank for Deconstruction and Embezzlement.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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