Written by Auntie Matter
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 29 April 2016

image for Cameron On The New World Order
God

In line with the current ruling on anti-Semitism which applies also to Jews, especially Non-Zionist Jews who can think for themselves, UK Prime Minister David Cameron decreed yesterday to a packed House of Commons that "anti-Americanism" be also outlawed.

Said he: "Just because a country bombs the shit out of other, relatively defenceless countries in its relentless pursuit of control and resources is no grounds for racism even if this country virtually invented it and put it to great use during the booming slave trade era between the fifteenth to the nineteenth centuries. For the sake of our glorious Empire we managed to transcend it, thanks to that most wonderful of all doctrines known as "Evolution". (Catcalls and booing).

Mister Corbyn and his uneducated followers may boo all they like Mister Speaker, but let us all ask ourselves... would there have been a Nietzsche, a Wagner, a Bernard Shaw, Fabian Socialism, the doomed Russian experiment, an Adolf Hitler... or even a Harry Potter without the theory of evolution and its attendant New World Order goal of the Ubermensch that we all blindly serve? Or does Mr. Corbyn really believe that the recent developments in bio-genetics and the genome project are some half-assed attempts at finding a cure for acne? (Laughter).

Is he blind indeed? Has he got opposing thumbs? Evolution is taking place right before us every day. Chelsea supporters are taking up darts. Beer drinkers are turning to wine. Guardian readers are switching to The Sun. Bob Dylan has turned back to Judaism from Christianity... and J.K. Rowling has learnt to tell lies. And all that without even chipping! Need I say more?

And would, Mister Speaker, anybody with half a brain put on a uniform and pick up a gun to kill little, brown inferiors in the East if they were not filled with this bull... I mean... this wonderfully elevating theory... from birth? And without our enlightened education system how would we hypnotise him into doing it? Progress is no more possible without the theory of evolution than democracy is possible without total subjugation and mind-control of the masses. But let us not be deceived into thinking that Evolution gives credence and grounds for racism. Ask any Jew.

Therefore, lay not shameful racism at the feet of Charles Darwin or his apostle Karl Marx. Racism will not be allowed to endanger our goal of the Ubermensch,... men, at last, Masters of the Universe. Free and happy without fear of disease or political opposition. Not all of them of course, but that's evolution for you... for those of you who can spell it. Soon man will be merged with the machine to augment his efficiency a hundred fold.

The strong will inherit the earth, Mister Speaker, and they alone will deserve to be there. Do we need George W. Bush to remind us that the one who serves the Higher Cause can do no wrong? Even if my saying that may sound to some of you like an excuse for 9/11, Tony Blair, the Holocaust or even Hiroshima.

Anti-Americanism will not be tolerated in this House or in this country, if we can help it, as America strives to bring freedom and democracy to the East without their permission. So, we must be on watch, we must be vigilant. We must see to it that internet providers help us police the culprits responsible for spreading critical thinking around the globe as part of our general intent on behalf of the New World Order to stifle dissent and gag the human race entirely so that all freedom of thought and free expression are sent to oblivion on behalf of our beloved democracy... and let us not forget ladies and gentlemen that England is the finest example of democracy on the planet... which is how and why we are able to condition our sheeple... er... people... to vote to stay in the EEC. The Higher Cause will bring about the New World Order. It will succeed. We will be free at last. Not you Corbyn, or your fellow monkeys! Sit down you fool!

Once, all this is achieved, we gallant few can continue in absolute secrecy as we once did in the days before the accursed internet came into being. Is that not the reason why we set up the Leveson Inquiry so that injunctions against editors, journalists and similar hacks addicted to critical thinking can be legally contained for what they are... threats to democracy? In summo, no space whatever will be given to racism for the sake of evolution... without which no invasion of foreign countries is possible."

Mr. Corbyn's response was brief. "I hope this does not sound racist but I would like to merge Cameron with a machine by shoving a vacuum cleaner up his arse. The rest of his visionary friends might benefit from seven years of electro-convulsive therapy."

Make Auntie Matter's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 2 multiplied by 4?

9 24 8 19
74 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more