Written by K.C. Bell
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Sunday, 24 January 2016

image for Jennifer Aniston Hunts Showers On Planes
Certainly there are even bathtubs on the Tardis.

Best thing about watching the Australian Open is the Jennifer Aniston commercial. She's cute, neat and doesn't appear to be in need of a shower. In the commercial, she is searching for the shower during a flight. No showers? This isn't an Air Emirates plane? No snakes or showers on the plane! A flight attendant offers a tiny towel instead. She faints at the realization she isn't flying Air Emirates. Next scene: It was all a nightmare.

Air Emirates provides showers for first class passengers?

Yes indeed. And why do first class passengers require showers in mid-flight? Maybe it might be more practical to offer showers to, um, a, say the economy passengers?

One can only imagine the maracas and castanets required to get completely naked on a plane, up in the air, while flying across the planet, standing in a cubical, turning on the water, wondering whether it'll be too hot or too cold, or if the faucet will distribute coffee, tea or milk, lathering up from head to toe, and seeing that little sign light up: Return to your seat.

Okay, so they provide robes and slippers. Great! But the once and future adventurous passenger is slippery and wet and sliding around in the shower cubical and reaching for a towel, a robe, anything, even paper towels, and the door slides open. Turbulence follows.

And there stands the once and future adventurous passenger in the all together, with their maracas or castanets exposed to four hundred passengers. Or maybe it's just the flight crew.

Does Air Force One have a shower?

"YES AND YOU CAN GOOGLE IT. WE HAD A SHOWER LONG BEFORE AIR EMIRATES."

Air Force One always speaks in capital letters. The plane is very abrupt, overbearing and rude. Just who does that plane think it is?

"AIR FORCE ONE!"

Right.

While United Airlines doesn't have showers or Jennifer Aniston, they do have hot towels, warm nuts, a mile high pretty good gin and tonic, the friendly skies, and Ira Gershwin's Rhapsody In Blue.

"WE HAVE RHAPSODY IN BLUE ANYTIME WE WANT IT."

Right. You win!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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