Written by Toeknee Abcess
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Topics: Catholic, The Pope

Thursday, 31 December 2015

Trojan Condoms has announced a global marketing campaign to boost revenues. "The target market of 1.1 billion Catholics offers us our best growth opportunity" said Trojan spokesman Johnny Franger.

Franger went on to explain the campaign. "We're sponsoring the Vatican with one dollar donated to their Arms Investment Fund for every 3-pack of condoms purchased by a bone fide Catholic."

Challenged by the Vatican's opposition to contraception Franger explained how the campaign will work. "Yeah we thought about that one and we've come up with the "Trojan Mostly Safe Ribbed For His And Her Catholic Ecstacy" condom. It's a bit like a firing squad where one blank bullet is issued, but in reverse. In this case, one in ten of the Catholic condoms will be punctured to make it unsafe and firing the real thing. So Catholics can go to Confession knowing that they may have had unsafe sex and be at peace with themselves and the church."

Franger also pointed out the follow-on revenue growth the campaign will generate. "Yeah, with every tenth condom failing that means there'll be an extra 55 million Catholics born every year who'll grow up to use our product. We can't miss really. Or rather, they can't." chuckled Franger.

The Pope, on tour visiting the poverty-stricken teaming Catholic masses, has so far declined to comment.

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