Written by joseph k winter
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Thursday, 19 November 2015

image for Phishers and scam artists hold meeting inside mountain cavern to decide new ploys and schemes to take to the public
Phishing convention was held at this location for discussions and howling

Breaking news from an undercover investigator posing as phishing artist who calls himself Yam Yam Fusillado indicates there was a large gathering of scam professionals this week.

According to Mr. Fusillado, the group gathered for a semi-annual meeting in a damp cave somewhere in the mountains out West to talk strategy.

One of them, known as Roger Clysterpipes, or sometimes "Clyde," stated the organization needed to move to an imitation of the ISIS handbook known as "The Management of Savagery."

The scam group's book would be "The Management of Fear and Scam Artistry," inspired by a long history of experts in manipulation from Machiavelli through Zbigniew Brzezinski and Karl Rove.

Well-known at this time is the Internal Revenue Scam, where a phishing artist informs a person on the telephone that he/she is subject to an Internal Revenue Investigation, officer so and so, case number such and such.

A number should be called to get out of this mess quickly--at a high price.

Fear sends nerve-impulses shooting up a victim's spine, the heart trembles, hence to a favorable response.

Access into computers and bank accounts can be acquired via email threats to update accounts and in the process disclose account numbers, passwords, credit card numbers, etc.

Of course, bogus ads that computers are infected so as to activate computer access by a faux operator is also a big success story.

These maneuvers are good, Clyde told the gathering. But the challenge is how to upgrade.

New and better threats are possible, such as claiming the US Internal Revenue Service is now employing ex-ISIS people to make house calls and push further into enquiries about your delinquency.

Another new scheme is to state in a serious, dramatic voice that the federal government (due to ISIS) has access to everybody's most private thinking, as well as financial condition, etc., and will inform and put at risk all your children, mother, grandmother, and neighbors to your most secret nasty thoughts unless you cooperate by offering up the information requested.

Not the least in the new thinking is borrowed from some recent Republican notions that prison camps should be re-instituted for certain members of the population.

So that anyone who does not respond favorably to a phishing scam in the email or telephone could end up in a concentration camp with dormitories and toilets that do not work.

The groups' brainstorming and display of brilliant schemes continued for two days and concluded with singing a melody representing the group's core values:

Come you masters of score
Know just who we are
We see through their masks
And the name on their door

Of course we're perverse
And more even worse
We take and we rake
And steal all the purse

They think we're the shits
Well ain't that the pits
And mark what we say
Cause we're here to stay!


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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