Written by James Wallin
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Topics: God

Monday, 4 December 2006

image for God posts question on Yahoo! Answers
Why are you people f**king up my planet like this? - God

Search engine Yahoo! are reporting record hits for their popular answers feature after God was chosen as this week's guest celebrity. Previous favourites have included Stephen Hawking, who asked how the human race could survive the next hundred years and Paris Hilton who asked readers where they got their shoes from.

A Yahoo! spokesman said, "We asked God to contribute because he is and always has been a very high-profile figure and has some very interesting views on the world, what with having created it and everything."

There has been plenty of speculation about the topic God would choose for his question since Yahoo! announced their choice earlier this week. Some commentators thought the deity would wade into the long-standing debate over whether Madonna lip-synchs or not, while others thought he would tackle the difficult topic of where Ben Affleck's career should go from here.

There was, in fact, some disappointment when God finally posted his question, which read
"Why are you people f**king up my planet like this? I mean, what's wrong with you?" Many users thought the question was too vague and without the essential celebrity element which generally wins plaudits across the Internet. Still, there was a flood of replies to the post, beginning just minutes after it went live.

"It's not our fault, Bush done it!" responded Caroline Passthubuck from Cleveland, while Martyn Duh from Edinburgh wrote, "How long is your beard?" Other posts pleaded for forgiveness from the deity while others took a more belligerent tone, notably evolutionist, Richard Dawkins, who posted a refusal to answer the question, as he didn't believe in God. Others such as Tim Wishbone from Bristol demanded a miracle to sort things out, while Mel Gibson suggested getting rid of all the Jews, a quote which was quickly taken down and attributed to "evil Mel Gibson", the actor's booze-swilling, anti-Semitic doppelganger.

God's question will be online for the next seven days, when he will be replaced by George W Bush, who is expected to ask "Help, what the hell am I gonna do about Iraq?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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