Written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw
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Sunday, 18 October 2015

On Tuesday morning, a ragtag band of Muslim fundamentalists attempted to tunnel under the Great Pyramid of Giza with the intent of planting and detonating a crude thermonuclear device underneath it. They were instantly annihilated by an intense bream of--physicists suspect-- Higgs bosons, emanating from an alien spacecraft that momentarily became visible, 33,000 miles above our planet.

Dr. Logico Vulcano, professor of particle physics and other whack shit at Rome's Universita Capitano Circo observed: "A highly advanced civilization from the Samsung Galaxy built the Great Pyramid as a landing facility 6,000 years ago. Rather than post a security detail at the site, they have been monitoring it from a spaceship directly overhead, in geostationary orbit. Normally, this ship is invisible, but, in order to fire their particle beam, they had to momentarily turn off their cloaking device."

He added: "Usually, these guys are peaceful and polite--Canadians of outer space, if you will--but, mess with their plans, and they become more like Newfoundlanders guarding their fishing rights."

A statement on the website globalcaliphatenow.jih read: "The great pyramids were built by arrogant unbelievers. They shall soon suffer the same fate as the library at Alexan...THIS IS AMMON-RE THE FORTY-THIRD, RULER OF YOUR ENTIRE GALACTIC CLUSTER. KEEP YOUR FILTHY OPPOSABLE-THUMB HANDS OFF MY PYRAMIDS. SAME GOES FOR STONEHENGE, YOU PATHETIC APE-MEN! (Automatically translated by BING!)"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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