The Supreme Leader of Father Russia, Vladimir Putin has taken to the airwaves to declare that his country is a secret sexual haven for gays.
On an LGBT radio show, the Fatherland's leader criticised the rest of the world's treatments of homosexuals and applauded his country's own agenda.
To the tune of his homeland's national anthem, Putin reveals the truth of his country's treatment of homosexuals, painting it as a sexual paradise for those who wish to celebrate their orientation.
Putin began by saying: "It's well known that in America and Western Europe, homosexual sex is painfully vanilla. Whips and chains are scorned upon."
"People of non-traditional sexual orientation do not want to mimic the sex life of heterosexuals: they do not want the missionary position, they do not want to wear clothes, and they are happily submissive to straight persons. They want leather, bondage, and to indulge in fetishes. I personally have had a foot wank from a homosexual."
"I believe everyone should be able to sexually indulge themselves. That is all. Gay people are welcome to party all night without clothes, and summon demons in their fetish clubs."
The Supreme Leader continue:"Do they consider themselves a man or a woman? A female? A male? A bear? A puppy? A twink? Some of them don't even know what the fuck they are."
"I don't see here any infringement on the rights of gay people. The promiscuous homosexual male can sleep with whomever he wishes, as long as he bottoms for a more masculine specimen. Gays are welcome to be bound and gagged in the Fatherland."
He ended the interview with: "We not only recognise but we ensure their sexual deviance. In Father Russia equal rights are an unachievable dream for everyone but disgustingly good sex is all the rage."