BUCKINGHAM PALACE - Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II held a press conference today denouncing her Canadian citizenship.
"I was born in the United Kingdom and lived exclusively in the United Kingdom. There have been trips across the pond. but at no time did I apply to be a citizen of Canada. Their winters are entirely too cold and poutine is a waste of perfectly good chips. If a peasant like Ted Cruz doesn't want to be a citizen of that country, then it would be in the best interest of my reputation as an elegant lady to denounce my citizenship to that hellhole."
Neither the Canadian embassy in London nor Prime Minister Stephen Harper were available for comment.