Immigration is often spoke about in hushed tones and whispered corners by those afraid to be called "racist" for voicing an opinion. Not Australia. Their Prime Minister has repeatedly been at the forefront of his countries "battle" with illegal immigration. Though why anyone would want to immigrate to a country where the wildlife is actively trying to kill you is beyond us. Also they would have to put up with being in the same country Shane Warne is. Which is always going to knock some serious cash off your house value.
But as Australia does seem to be a preferred destination for desperate people trying to escape horrific situations (despite it's wildlife only being one genetic mutation away from devouring the population of Adelaide) we thought it would be pertinent to do a story on it. It was either this or disclose where we've been for the last few months. Trust me, you'd rather not know.
We sat down for a couple of Fosters with Australians newly appointed "Minister For Keeping Them All Out", John Tucker, and discussed the new measures he was putting in place.
So dude (we decided to keep the interview formal as it would go with our no shirt policy) what are you doing about Australian immigration?
(In a Australian accent) Well I instigated a bunch of "citizen tests" that people will have to pass. You know to show they really want to be Australian.
(In a Australian accent) To begin with we have a written test which consists of two parts. The first part asks you to quote Crocodile Dundee word for word and the second-
Asks you to quote the sequel?
(In a Australian accent) You've already seen the test?
A wild guess
(In a Australian accent) Then we get them take a simple physical fitness test.
Which consists of?
(In a Australian accent) We make them lift Ayers Rock. If they can do that their in if they can't.....
(In a Australian accent) Well if they can't lift it we use a giant catapult and fire them back in the direction they came from.
(In a Australian accent) I know.
No not that. Fosters has got fish in it. Doesn't taste like it's got mackerel in. The more you know eh?