Krak des Chevaliers, Syria - Cops have taped a phone call from a top ISIS commander on the blower to his Mom in the London suburb of Barking, Isle of Dogs, moaning about the theft of his crack stash.
Jihadi John, a.k.a. Mhamed Emwazi bin-the-Khazi, is renowned for his tough guy reputation on beheadings, lapidations and general limb chopping.
This morning he was blubbing for over an hour on his cell phone about 'heartless apostate bastards' who'd crept into his spider hole last night and stolen his entire drug stash.
"What's more, Mom," a teary Emwazi spluttered, "they even pissed all over a priceless late 15th century bong wot I managed to nick from the Syrian National Antiquities museum, just how sick is that?...
"By the way can you cash my unemployment benefit giro and mail it to my Syria account?"