Written by Dalai Lama Insider
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Saturday, 9 May 2015

The Dalai who is quickly approaching his eightieth birthday has said recently "This will be the year!" referring the end of Tibetan struggle with China being aligned with his eightieth birthday. A well-established fact amongst most of the Dalai Lama's inner circle is the Tibetan freedom movement is "intrinsically entwined with the Dalai Lama's birthdays".

Sources from his inner circle have confirmed that most of his decisions and those of the Central Tibetan administration (CTA) are based around the Dalai Lama's birthdays. "It's not just Tibetan independence! What type of books are going to be written with the Dalai Lama's name on them, should we build a new school or medical clinic, what are we naming the cat?"

Though some within the CTA have voiced concerns about this absolute policy. "For example if we are approaching a DL birthday, then it is called a flourishing time…sigh…then we will probably organise some celebrity concerts to make money for a water irrigation project or the buying of a new Mechanical Bull. However after the birthday it is called a decreasing time, where most of the leftover money is spent on Cure albums and watching black and white French movies."

However this year is set to be totally different as the Dalai Lama has said "all will change with my eightieth birthday". Samdhong Rinpoche, the Dalai Lama's previous Prime minister and Master of Bunting in a recent interview said "it has been proven in my own and many others' dreams that what the DL is saying is completely true".

So what has the Dalai Lama been saying?

Basically, this year on the 6th of July his eightieth birthday the Chinese government will completely move out of Tibet and hand Tibet back over to the Dalai Lama. "I can't wait, I have me plans to pimp up the Potala" referring to the Dalai Lama's traditional place of residence - the Potala palace. "Those Chinese are going to be completely gone, it's my birthday and it's a big one. Nuff said!"

Plans of celebration and the logistics of moving the 130,000 Tibetans in exile back to Tibet are already under way at the CTA. A source from within the CTA confirmed "This is not going to be easy - for all the millions of Tibetans living in Tibet and for all the people returning, they are going to find it a bit of a shock".

Asked to what he meant by shock, in a hushed voice he answered "The DL is a little bit out of touch, times have changed, for one thing most of these people can now read. The DL wants pimp up the dungeon under the Potala as this was where he would go and play when he was a kid. The official CTA policy from 1975 is democracy but the DL doesn't realize that this means you can't own people anymore".

The Dalai Lama is probably the most popular living ex-slave owning celebrity. Before leaving Tibet he owned more the 6,700 people. When asked about this he said "I have already picked a few out when driving with me crew, mostly young ones as the old ones are toast!" "Me has them in me garden back at me crib". Also when talking to Samdhong Rinpoche at a recent celebrity event in Washington the Dalai was overheard saying "Me has already got some strong backs for you Samy". When asked about this Samdhong Rinpoche said "You have got to understand Me and DL are bros, he's got my back and I got his".

Well the whole world is now waiting in anticipation. Is the Dalai Lama going to get his special birthday wish? Will he get his Tibet back? Just how will he return 95% of Tibetans back to being land tied surfs? As the Dalai Lama said "It's my birthday, so you know that is how it is."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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