Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 30 April 2015

image for The party's over for Scots Gnats as coast guards seize $750m of incoming cocaine
HMS Skagbuster on patrol in territorial waters

Aberdeen, Scotland - A tip-off from anonymous foreign intelligence sauces has seen the seizure of three tons of Colombian cocaine bound for the euphoric Scottish general election market.

The bust is the biggest in local living memory and leaves thousands of Scots Gnat crackheads pissed at snorting inferior indigenous free base, a nasty throwback to Scotland's narcotics Cold War.

Coast Guard officials said this morning they'd intercepted a North Sea ocean-going tug called the MV Halal where they found the $750m hoard disguised as frozen goat meat.

Mainly inside 50-gallon drums marked 'hooves'.

The booty was intercepted some 100 miles east of Aberdeen on Wednesday night by Royal Navy frigate HMS Skagbuster and its Border Force cutter the Skanky B.

A ten-strong crew of arseholed Glaswegians remains in custody charged with drug running during a general election.

Alex Salmond's pubic profile is at an all time low.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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