Written by Breeze
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Topics: George W. Bush

Thursday, 30 November 2006

image for Bush to be issued with rubber underpants
Gosh darn it, I did it again

Senior Whitehouse officials confirmed yesterday that the President will, in future, be fitted with rubber underpants. The bold move came after an incident in which the President was found to have soiled himself at a top security briefing.

This is not the first time the Presidents involuntary bladder condition has led to him being embroiled in an international incident and many Americans believe that the President was not properly potty trained as a child.

"George Bush Senior and his wife Barbara were very busy people, what with running the country and whatnot," said a Republican Party insider, "and it is widly believed that George and his brother Jeb were not properly potty trained. This wasn't a problem when the President was a drunk but now that he's sober and still wetting himself it has become much more obvious."

The move, which was announced at Capitol Hill last night follows months of speculation and rumour about why the President smelt of pee.

"The turning point for me," said one senior Republican, "came at the 2005 G8 summit when Mr Bush put up his hand and asked Kofi Annan if he could go to the toilet because he'd wet himself. This is not the sort of image we Americans want to portray to the world."

"When meeting President Putin of Russia in 2003 at the Kremlin, George was so excited that he had an accident," said a well placed source, "and it's just embarrassing to see the leader of the free world being sent to the kitchen to fetch a mop and bucket and told to clean up his mess."

Senior Republicans claim that the Presidents bladder problem has now become a major stumbling block for US diplomacy. This was highlighted recently when Bush was discovered by Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip relieving himself on a Sixteenth century Axminster carpet. An international incident was averted when US Security officials agreed to rub the President's nose in it and make him clean it up.

The new presidential underwear range has been designed by Alexander McQueen and will feature the American seal on the front and the words 'George Rocks' on the back. No plans have been made to feature a 'days of the week' range.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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