Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 16 April 2015

image for Brighton Pier won't be charged with sex offences
Went to the dogs during canine syphilis outbreak

Brighton, West Sussex - Despite sackfuls of evidence of what really went on in the back of its dodgem bumper cars the UK's premier pleasure pier will not be charged with decades of kiddy-fiddling.

This morning Crown Prosecutors admitted they'd blown it just like all the previous sex crime probes into the ageing marine erection.

Including those of 1991, 2002 and 2007.

Which means the southern coastal town's only non-derelict pier can continue rotting away peacefully in public knowing it's got off scot freak.

Also known as Palace Pier the perv is all that remains of the historic Royal Suspension Chain Pier - a decrepit old rascal that went to the dogs during the canine syphilis outbreak 1869.

The latest, two year investigation by UK cops will now be shelved as metal fatigue continues to be blamed for failure to uphold the status quo.

This evening UK TV news bulletins said pubic outrage remains unabated as footage was broadcast of a local mongrel cocking his leg at the pier's crumbling supports.

Jimmy Savile's petting zoo remains closed until 2325.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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