Written by Paul Blake
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Thursday, 9 April 2015

image for Canada Starts National Cuss-Jar To Stop Saying, "Eh!"
Could "Eh" Be Crippling Canada's Exports?

Ottawa, Ontario, Canada (The Country North of here. (North being the big "N" on your phone when you hit the compass setting thingy.)) - Canada's Finance Ministers and Economists have unanimously agreed for years now that the number one barrier to greater economic trade growth in Canada, is known as the "Eh Effect." Phillipe LaGrange, Head of Finance in Canada explains, "The 'Eh Effect' is crippling our economy! Quite frankly-it makes us sound like a bunch of unreliable, ice-fishing, snow-bumpkins, and not international business people, eh." (beep) said LaGrange.

And this is precisely why Canada has instigated what amounts to a national cuss-jar, to stop all this "eh-ing" nonsense. LaGrange explained how it works with a simple slide presentation. "Firstly, every person in the entire country has already received one of these little credit card dealies here, eh. (beep) These cards will beep each and every time the person in closest proximity to the card says the word, 'eh.'" (beep) And that 'eh,' (beep) will cost you .05 cents before taxes, taken directly from the bank account of your choosing.

Simple enough we thought, but we still wondered what the average Canadian on the street thinks of all this, in relation to privacy and free speech rights. "Oh, eh, (beep,) I dunno, I think it's a great idea, eh!"(beep) said an overly friendly Doug McGlubber walking his cat, who barely even recognized that his "cuss-jar" beeper had just gone off, twice. "Oh goodness, was that me, eh?" (beep) McGlubber asked light-heartedly.

When asked how he felt about the "Eh" tax adding up over time, and the hefty fine for not having your card on you at all times, well, McGlubber thought that was just fine and dandy too. "Oh yeah, eh-oops (beep.) Gotta do your part." McGrubber said, straining himself to hold back another 'eh.'

But that measly .05 cents, before taxes, actually adds up to a whopping 37.6 cents after all of Canada's extra taxes have been added to it. Quite a hefty amount for just saying 'eh,' eh? So we asked McGlubber if this would be a strain on his family. He again didn't seem to mind all too much about the $37.50 on average it was costing him each and every day. "Keep in mind, eh, (beep,) we're planning on hosting the Winter Olympic Games from now until the end of all of eternity with the cuss-jar money, eh!" (beep) Which appears to be true. With the money from the "Eh" jar already totally a staggering $45 trillion loonies in just its first few weeks of implementation, it's pretty much a slam dunk that our neighbors to the north will be beating America's pants off at Olympic hockey-and every other conceivable sport involving snow and ice-for a long long time to come.

"Yeah, we're probably gonna totally take over the entire world, eh?" (beep) said McGlubber. "Then I guess we'll see who wants to do business with us-eh?" (beep)

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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