Written by D P Whitehead
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Saturday, 28 February 2015

image for Jihadi John Says Dress is White and Gold
"Jihadi" Billy Joel is also tiring of the bickering 'Schmucks'

"Jihadi John" or Mohammed Emwazi, a west London man believed to be an ISIS militant - and chief executioner - has waded mask first into the "is this dress gold and white or is it blue and black?" melee by declaring that the dress is 'definitely'white and gold.

The terrorist, who was given the nickname "Jihadi John" after interviews with former ISIS hostages revealed him to be part of a group of British jihadists who guarded the hostages and were dubbed "The Beatles." It is believed that "Jihadi Ringo" has yet to make a statement regarding his interpretation of the color of the dress, but it does seem as though a rift is forming between the confused terrorists.

Sometime late Friday afternoon, according to intelligence sources, "Jihadi John" and "Jihadi Ringo" turned on each other after bickering for hours over the question, "Guys please help me - is this dress white and gold, or blue and black?" which they spotted on twitter.

"She", said Ringo, referring to John, "knows nothing...nothing I say! It is obviously blue and black....for Allah's sake enough already..oy vey!"

Jihadi John though, remains defiant "It is gold and white....what.. am I some sort of 'Schmoe?' You'd have to be a Cockamamie Meschugener if for one minute you think that Drek is not gold and white.....gold and white....do you hear me...Jihadi Ringo....you Yutzi!"

The two, who share a tent with 'Jihadi Paul', 'Jihadi George' and Pete Best were heard arguing into the early morning, the sound of their voices echoing in the still dessert night.

"I wish those queens would agree on something - I can't get a wink of sleep" said one terrorist - who told me he goes by the name of 'Jihadi Elvis', "Me and 'Jihadi' Elton John just can't catch a break with those two screaming into the night. Get over it!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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