The Archbishop of Cranbury has called on couples not to be left behind in the post-Easter mad scramble for bathroom suites and fitted kitchens. Major furniture and bathroom superstores have announced that pre-Easter stocks are robust, but that the surge in the popularity of Christianity in 2015 will mean shortfalls in the most popular bathroom suites such as the Empress and Chelsea jacuzzi designer ranges.
"Kitchen units should ideally be torn out two weeks before Easter so that the kitchens can be properly blessed by ecclesiastically trained fitters", Cardinal Bidet announced today. Styles which are forecast to be in short supply are likely to be the Delia range and the "Japanese Oak" combination kitchens. This year's Easter Satellite T.V. sofa, kitchen and bathroom suite campaign has started early due to the favourable exchange rate of the pound sgainst the euro.
The Christian tradition of renewing bathroom suites, fitted kitchens and sofas at significant times in the ecclesiastical calendar such as Easter and Christmas is regarded by Satellite T.V. companies as the bread and butter of the lucrative religious furniture ritual promotion business. The Archbishop of Norristhorpe, Dr. Foster, currently working part time in B&Qs Gloucester branch said on Tuesday that couples would not suffer eternal damnation if their new carpets were fitted shortly after Easter "As long as its only three or four days late, your souls should still be O.K." he told our correspondent.
A rumoured return to "Avocado" coloured bathroom suites has been dismissed by our religious furniture affairs correspondent, Robert Martin.