Written by joseph k winter
Print this

Monday, 12 January 2015

image for Attorney General invokes deity to decide Petraeus case
Some thought an angry eyeball could be seen in the sky with Holder's "highest level" comment.

Attorney General Eric Holder yesterday claimed the Petraeus case will be decided "at the highest" level in an "appropriate" way.

Meanwhile, Senator Feinstein urged that people can't be too careful with their behaviors in various chambers when they're in government positions.

She said Mr. Petraeus "has suffered enough."

Mr. Petraeus is currently suffering as visiting professor at The City University of New York as an adjunct lecturer with a large salary.

This appointment followed his resignation as Director of the CIA due to an extra-marital affair with Paula Broadwell.

Further investigation suggests he might have shared classified information with her.

In other cases of suffering, Mr. John Kiriakou is in prison for blowing the whistle on CIA torture.

Ms. Chelsea Manning (formerly Mr. Bradley Manning) is serving a thirty five year sentence for providing source material to Wikileaks, including the infamous Iraq video known as "Collateral Murder."

Mr. James Risen, a reporter for major news services in the US, is threatened with jail for not revealing his sources and has been under scrutiny and intimidation for several years.

Mr. Julian Assange has been imprisoned in the Ecuadorian Embassy for more than two years for his role in the Manning leaks.

Mr. Edward Snowden is holed up in Russia since the summer of 2013 due to the US pursuing him because he facilitated leaks from CIA and other clandestine operations.

The consensus in Washington, led by Mr. Holder and Ms. Feinstein, appears to be that investigation, trial, and jail time are not likely for Mr. Petraeus, no matter what he did.

It was not clear whether the "highest level" that would consider the case might be the supreme court considering what's decent and appropriate for a leading general previously instrumental in various wars on the planet.

Or the highest level might be the new Attorney General with an eye to keeping the position under the next President taking office, in which case Mr. Petraeus might be dealt with under "classified" and "national security."

Mr. Holder did clarify that "The highest level" does not refer to "The Deity."

However, at that moment a long and ominous grumbling sound of thunder occurred overhead.

An observer reported that Mr. Holder glanced to the sky, muttering, "Not long now, and I'm done with this mess!"

Make joseph k winter's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 3 multiplied by 5?

3 15 14 20
58 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more