This time of year is always high on calamities; but nobody on earth was prepared for this one.
A mighty tsunami of human excrement that had accumulated in the North Atlantic over many years has been unleashed. Myriad towns and villages in North Africa, Spain and France have been hit by the colossal wave travelling at great speed. Worst affected were Rabat, Lisbon and London.
Queen Elizabeth has appealed for calm on the BBC World Service. "In this time of great trial and tribulation, we must all stick together," she announced. "I can assure you all, that this too... shall pass. I, myself, am no stranger to the phenomenon... as I have been a close, personal friend of Ronald Reagan, George W. Bush and Tony Blair."
The entire British Parliament has fled into hiding, to Nat Rothschild's private Ionian island of Fukyu. London taxi drivers are calling for a Marxist revolution.
The death toll so far has been staggering; and experts predict that it may take decades to clean up the mess. On the plus side, life may flower again in the Sahara.
Toxic fumes emitted by the accelerating mountain of fermented feces sent victims into wild, hallucinatory trances. Those were the lucky ones. Others were so badly affected they turned into dangerous animals and had to be gunned down by police. The rest were simply swamped to death by the sheer volume and weight of the stuff.
Scientists investigating the source and composition of the tsunami have identified it as... Hollywood.