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Tuesday, 25 November 2003

image for Osama bin Laden changes his name to Howard Golfstein - becomes born again Capitalist. by CEOaf
Osama Bin Laden

Rumour has it that Osama bin Laden changed his name to Howard Golfstein and has become a born again Capitalist - that explains why he was never found.

Howard Golfstein and Bill Gates seem comfortable and relaxed in each other's company. They smile and nod often. Howard is clean-shaven - both men are pictures of good healthy lifestyles. Let us listen in on their conversation.

Bill is talking about the early days at Microsoft. "You know Howard, I sometimes wonder about my choice of beverages at Microsoft. Howard looks puzzled. Bill continues, "we allowed our programmers and other employees to drink as much Coca-Cola and Pepsi as they liked. Sometimes the caffeine and sugar edginess was like a knife cutting through the air. To get to the point, I think we probably released some of our software a little prematurely. I mean we made tons of money thanks to all those code mistakes and every morning I thanked Steve for his fixation on his cute little Mac and of course IBM for their short sightedness. We couldn't have done it without their help. But if our programmers had been drinking fruit smoothies back then, our medical costs would be way lower than they are today.

Howard nods sympathetically. "Soft drinks are very seductive Bill. Muslims and Jews are not supposed to eat pork. Just think of that Sadam Hussein character who choked to death on a chunk of pork fat."

Bill nods and smiles, "pork fat rules - well at least they have a democracy in Iraq and those other Middle East countries. It really is a blessing that the bin Laden character came out and ordered all those followers of political Islam to get a proper education and lead useful lives - who could have foreseen that."

Howard is suddenly serious. "Bill I have been thinking about that oil, we in Palestine have been pumping out of the ground under Iraq."

Bill has a big grin on his face. "Howard that was one technological miracle - you dig way down into the ground in Palestine and then you drill horizontally right through to Iraq and tap into their oil. Now I call that an immaculate stroke."

Howard shifts uncomfortably, we also tapped into the oil reserves of Saudi Arabia and because one of our drillers made a mistake we discovered oil under Israel."

Bill looks surprised, "should you be telling me this?"

Howard smiles, "we did a side deal with the Israeli's." Howard shrugs, " we kept it quiet." Bill you are so secretive, I know you won't tell anyone."

Gates glances over his shoulder then turns back to Howard. "Howard you wanted to talk to me about a business proposal?"

Bill we have something really exciting going on. Our R&D Company in Haifa has come up with a miniature energy collector that is in the beta testing stage. We have been sewing it into the lining of women's burquas. They collect a great deal of heat during the day, which is stored in the personal energy collectors. Then we have them come to a transfer station at sunset and deposit their personal energy storage."

Bill shakes his head in disbelief. "Howard, do you realize you have created the next PC and I thought everyone needed a Personal Computer - I admit to being a little off the mark on that one, but a Personal Collector for energy, wow, that should revolutionize the way we look at energy.

"Howard is getting excited. "And sex Bill, you would be surprised how much energy we collect from sexy thoughts. We have been monitoring some of our burquas collectors and would you believe it when these women see sexy looking men on TV the collectors fill up immediately and start to discharge - can you imagine these PCs attached to construction workers." Bill starts to laugh, "Howard who would have thought that you of all people would be the most innovative thinker in the world. Let's have a fruit smoothie - it's on me."

And so it goes at the wellness resort. © CEOaf 2003

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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