Norfolk - The skies over Sandringham were teeming with surveillance drones today as local funeral directors website Dead Norfolk Broads R Us.con acted on a tipoff about an imminent 'happy event'.
"Of course, Her Maj might be planning to top old Phil," rival undertakers and
crematorium directors Ash Brothers commented, "maybe accidentally shoot him at the New Years Eve wild bore - uh, boar! - hunt ball.
"Either way we're first in the queue if anything happens."
By lunchtime the drone convoy had caused a massive tailback in local flight paths, stranding incoming visitors to the royal New Year's Eve bash over some rather sordid parts of the C*unty of Norwich.**
Local residents reported hearing strange pre-party wailing coming from the royal estate's notorious potting sheds suggestive of a drunken Hogmanay Piper from the Death Watch Beetle Regiment practising for a traditional New Year funerary dirge.
Camilla Fucker-Proles is 69.