Written by queen mudder
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Thursday, 11 December 2014

image for Calls for UK judge-led cover-up into British complicity with CIA torture
Solid track record in prolonged and tortuous public probes that always exonerate everyone

London - A trawl of the great and good in Britain's senior judiciary has narrowed down a list of candidates capable of bullshitting in the international premier league.

Top pick for a prolonged and tortuous televised whitewash guaranteed to flush away any suggestion of complicity is Appeal Court judge Lady Magnolia Distemper, wife of retired former MI6 assistant waterboarding director Harry 'Wet Wipes' Hubby.

A solid track record in procrastination and obfuscation in the public inquiry sector makes Lady Magnolia a firm 2/1 fav choice according to a YouFoolGov pole this morning.

Close second favorite is Lord Hutton whose ten year probe into Saddam's missing Weapons of Mass Destruction has exonerated everybody without actually publishing any of the (highly classified) findings - save for one line non-redacted paragraph that simply says 'Everybody Not Guilty'.

Another close contender is Lord Levenson whose career bests have all been in public inquries that have produced such stalwart cover-ups as the Mobile Hacking Scandal and related bullshitting fallout.

Several other candidates make the list including the CIA's personal top choice for the job Cherie Blair, wife of warmongering ex-UK Prime Monster Tony Blair and 'probably the most bent lawyer in the entire United Kingdom' - apart from Old Tone, of course.

Commenting on the British developments a senior CIA deep throat said tonight that his confidence remained high following a Tarot Card reading predicting a happy outcome.

Theresa Kerry Heinz is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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