Written by joseph k winter
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Wednesday, 3 December 2014

image for Victoria Nuland chokes on Siberian caviar falls under the table major attack averted
Ms. Nuland's voice remained husky for some hours after the event but she was not hospitalized

Ms. Victoria Nuland, Assistant Secretary of State for European and Eurasian affairs, is being considered for a new honorary title following her heroic actions at a celebratory dinner in Riga, Latvia yesterday evening.

She had just announced that US and NATO troops were more than willing to sacrifice their bodies in a war defending the Baltic States.

She further clarified that this eager spirit included risk of poisoning from depleted uranium, which brought US casualty figures for the conflict to near 30 percent overall, for example, in Iraq.

Shortly thereafter Ms. Nuland's face reddened and puffed up, her ankles slid, and she temporarily vanished beneath the table cloth and fine silver for the dinner.

Fortunately she was not seriously trampled under foot in the melee following, from the scampering feet of those seated beside her.

Evidently--and pure coincidence--a waiter had dropped a tray to one side precisely at the moment Ms. Nuland choked on a mouthful of Siberian caviar.

Given her remarks on defense and the willingness of the US to go to war, in company with NATO forces, some assumed some kind of attack had taken place.

The hubbub included shouting that Russia and Vladimir Putin would certainly pay for this intrusion.

Whether the waiter's action had been deliberate is not yet known, although he is being questioned by CIA forces where the event took place.

According to a source from the police station where he has been interrogated vigorously, including some jabbing with an electric wand, so far he maintains he dropped the tray entirely by accident.

It happened at the crucial moment in Ms. Nuland's remarks where she indicated willingness to begin World War III.

Fortunately Ms. Nuland was hauled up from under the table right away and there were no obvious signs of smoke and fire in the hall, or that an explosion had taken place.

A minister of the Latvian parliament, who insisted on remaining anonymous, whacked Ms Nuland on the back several times, causing removal of the offending material from Ms. Nuland's throat cavity.

At that point knives were rung on champagne glasses with calls for "Order! Order!" and the gathering resumed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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