Written by K.C. Bell
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Monday, 17 November 2014

image for Vladimir Putin's Planned Erection Of New Berlin Wall
"Come meet me at the Casbah."

Though Vladimir Putin got away with annexing Crimea, crushing Georgia, is in the process of smashing Chechnya and invading the Ukraine (in a obvious attempt to recreate the old Soviet Union) he is now setting his sights on East Germany with plans for the erection of a new Berlin wall and naming it: The Freedom Wall.

He's blaming the United States and the European Union for forcing his hand in the erection of the wall, claiming that the East German people really desire to regain their freedom under Russian rule.

Editor's note: Would you use the term construction instead of erection?

Right.

Editor's note: How can any wall be considered a Freedom Wall?

Freedom, as defined by Mr. Putin, is that which is found on the opposite side of any wall and not necessarily in the western side which is West Germany and controlled, he claims, by everyone's worst nightmare of a mother-in-law, first wife, traffic cop, hall monitor, librarian and female plastic surgeon who promises a face like Brad Pitt, but instead leaving a tight face of an apple.

Editor's note: Apple as in Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter or as in the fruit.

The fruit. Construction for the new wall will begin on the January 1, of 2015, with hopes that it will be completed by November 10, 2015, the anniversary of its collapse twenty-five years ago.

Once construction is completed, Putin plans to ride on a white horse topless, halt in front of the eastern side and announce, "Ich bin ein Berliner."

Editor's note: He can't say that.

Tell him.

Editor's note: Go on.

Taylor Swift is writing a protest song about the New Berlin Wall and Oprah Winfrey is trying to book Putin as a guest before the construction begins, and change his mind by giving him a verbal bitch whipping.

Experienced with the value of a Winfrey verbal bitch whipping, Lance Armstrong is encouraging Putin to take the invite, forget about the New Berlin Wall, suggesting Putin could wind up with a Hollywood deal starring in all the re-makes of old Charles Boyer films.

Editor's note: Yikes!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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