Written by D P Whitehead
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Topics: Obesity, Fat, self parody

Saturday, 15 November 2014

image for Golden Rule of NOT Tumble Drying Expensive Shirts Broken
Now What Am I Going To Wear?

The golden rule of NOT EVER tumble drying a Florida man's GOOD shirts has been broken and violated - resulting in two inches of material simply disappearing into thin air.

The once comfortable white and blue designer label polo shirts which Duncan Whitehead once wore without having to breathe in - can now only be worn when he is not bloated or hasn't eaten in two days.

"Why is it that the shit shirts never shrink - but the so called "good" ones do? Who designs shirts this days that shrink???? No one is admitting that they tumble dried the shirts...but what is clear....is that they have shrunk. From the back they look fine - but I haven't got 20 lbs of excess fat hanging from my back have I? No, the only place shrinkage has occurred is at the front - not the arms - not the back - but the front - why? Why?? WHY???" Screamed Whitehead as he attempted to wear the shrunk shirts, only to see them ride up at the front, exposing his hairy belly fat.

"Fucking ruined," he said as he tossed the once favorite casual shirts onto the floor, "fucking ruined."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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