Written by K.C. Bell
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Monday, 25 August 2014

image for Vladimir Putin To Step Down
"Smile, say cheese!"

Moscow - It will be announced, by the real powers in the Kremlin, that Vladimir Putin will step down from office to spend more time with his family, thus giving him the opportunity to continue wrestling with bears, swimming with sharks, working on a sun tan, exploring sink holes and completing his autobiography: Hard Vodkas.

His ambition to reestablish the Soviet Union by annexing one former member state of the old Union after the next, may have been considered nation creep, but due to the sanctions that left Russia without cheese from France and the EU, nation creep could no longer be tolerated.

"Nyet cheese? Nyet Putin!"

Panicked, Putin attempted a last ditch effort to regain a cheese order from Switzerland, but Switzerland reminded Mr. Putin: "Say hey, fella, didn't you know? History lesson: Switzerland is a neutral nation. And that goes for any chocolate orders, too."

Putin's planned step-down was not a volunteer act that spontaneously bloomed from a desire to pursue other avenues of life, but rather a forced retirement executed by the powers in the Kremlin.

As a result of sanctions, the cheese shortage might have been a mere nuisance, however providing a group of gangsters with surface to air missiles that eventually shot down a Malaysian passenger plane with 398 souls, was a criminal and irresponsible act.

And all the 250 trucks in the Russian convoy carrying humanitarian aid to eastern Ukraine, along with the recent collection of thumbs up T-shirts of a smiling Putin, will not put Vladimir Putin and his government back together again.

Remember what happened to Nikita Khrushchev two years after he launched the Cuban missile crisis? History lesson: Early retirement.

Once out of office, Vladimir Putin will not have to resort to opening a restaurant. Though a former KGB officer, (who was supposed to be 'dead broke' when he became president fourteen years ago) he is said to be worth 70 billion dollars today. And that's no hard vodka.

Having failed the tango lesson of progressive politics, Putin will now have time to master the Fred Astaire soft-shoe dance of retirement.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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