Written by NerdInBriefs
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 9 August 2014

image for Obama Refuses Air Strikes And Instead Turns Off Porn Access to Combat ISIS in Iraq
Hello boys!

In a controversial move for the president of the United States, often criticised as being cautious in acting in the Middle East, today he decided to switch off all transmission of adult pornography to any radical groups in Northern Iraq. Under siege groups who have fled to the mountains, had expected some harder actions from the Americans, but leaders were grateful that today radical groups wouldn't be able to get their daily porn fix.

Extremist groups in Iraq reacted quickly, calling the president the worst type of infidel and vowed to carry on, porn or no porn. However the reality was that in the last few hours, bands of opportunistic fighters who joined ISIS partly because of the agreement to guarantee free access to high speed broadband so as to stream porn, some soldiers were putting down their arms until the porn was turned back on.

Republicans were quick to criticise the president for his crazy strategy, saying Obama was putting American jobs in the porn industry on the line, when he should have been nuking the area. Leaders of the porn industry of America - a once powerful group that had complained of being frozen out of many decisions under Obama compared to when they had enjoyed warmer relations with Bill Clinton and George W Bush - called an emergency meeting with the White House worried at the fall out and potential long term loss of the market amongst extremists.

The Middle East customer service division of these porn providers were inundated with complaints from jihadists saying that they would bring the end of the world to porn industry if they didn't force the president to restart the service.

The White House refused to comment to the media on how long the porn ban would stay in place, and there are real fears in the corridors of Washington that other opportunistic countries may take advantage by feeding through their own porn. Obama is playing a risky strategy, too soft for the hawks and too puritanical, for the libertarians.

Other commentators say Obama strategy has achieved something the Taliban never did, successful banning pornography in these areas. Realists in Washington come to his defence, that Obama is aware the public doesn't want to commit american troops on the ground, and this is an easier move in the right direction, with America flexing its soft porn power. Those In the Middle East, see this as another sign of American spite fullness, comparing it to the aftermath of 9/11, when even George W Bush, never once contemplated turning off Iraq or Afghanistan's porn access.

Make NerdInBriefs's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 4?

7 4 19 11
57 readers are online right now!

Go to top