Written by Felix Minderbinder
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Topics: Islam, Jewish, Israel

Tuesday, 21 November 2006

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TEL AVIV (Reuters)-- Widespread criticism of Israel in the Arab and Islamic world eased dramatically on Tuesday when Israel's Prime Minister Ehud Olmert declared that Israel "was now an Islamic nation."

"Yup, we all secretly converted and we are now all Islamic," Olmert asserted at a news conference here in Tel Aviv. "Getting all of our Rabbi's in line for this was quite a struggle, I can tell you, but they are all Ayatollahs now. Allah Akbar...God is Great!"

Olmert went on to describe how every synagogue in Israel had quietly been converted into a mosque, and how the Koran has replaced the Old Testament in religious worship throughout his country.

Classes are now teaching the Israeli populace the Arabic language and the newly certified Israeli Ayatollahs are instructing the former Jews in the Islamic faith and in Islamic law.

He said that Israel was forced to become Islamic simply because its population was being overwhelmed by fast growing populations in Arabic and Islamic countries. Olmert similarly encouraged Jews throughout the world to give up their faith and embrace Islam.

The unusual mass religious conversion caught world leaders by surprise.

"What do you mean Israel is Islamic?" asked President George Bush at a White House news conference in response to a reporter's question. He added, "I thought Israel was Jewish."

Yet US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was more on the ball and said, "Now that Israel is an Islamic state, they have no more fears about Iran's enrichment of uranium."

She added that there was now no need for the UN to adopt sanctions against Iran's nuclear program.

"In fact," added Rice, "Israel tells us that it likes its brother Islamic state of Iran so much now that it will give Iran about 100 of its own nuclear bombs to ease Iran's security concerns. The USA now likes Iran, Syria, Pakistan and Iraq too. We are immediately pulling our troops out of Iraq and Afghanistan."

The surprise conversion also caused world leaders to quiet their opposition to the formerly Jewish state at the United Nations.

Olmert also indicated that Israel was going to give back all of its land that it stole from the Palestinians, and also give the dispossessed Palestinians "billions of dollars in compensation for their pain and suffering and losses" and full citizenship and rights in the new Islamic state of Israel.

Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad welcomed Israel as an Islamic state and said his country "now recognized Israel's right to exist."

"Oy vay, is it hard to believe that Israel is no longer Jewish?" he said.

He added that Iran would send experts to Israel to help replace its Jewish kosher foods with Islamic halal foods.

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