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Monday, 24 November 2003

image for Michael Jackson escapes from police
Fancy a 99? Or a 69? Sheee-hee!

Dangerous kiddie-snaffler Michael Jackson has escaped from custody today, and made off with an Ice Cream van which he plans to use to lure children into his clutches.

The evil freak was being held in a warm cell with all-round lighting. Due to the heat in the room, Michael was able to melt his plastic body into a puddle, before slipping out under the door.

Following his escape, Jackson, 42, managed to hijack an Ice Cream van and drove off with its merry chime playing into the night. It is thought that the cool temperatures keep his body in shape. A high speed chase of 35 mph was sustained until the following squad car saw a donut stand and veered off the trail.

Tonight police were searching his Neverland Ranch, and several were seen riding the carousel. Close friend Nicky McSwain, 12, said, "Michael don't mean anybody no harm, he's lovely."

Officer Gary Cinderstick said, "Should you see a Mr Whippy van driving around, be sure to check who's driving. If you do find yourself face-to-face with the S.O.B then you are advised to shoot to kill." Sgt Cinderstick added, "He's a dangerous kiddie-fiddler, so if you do see him, put your arsenal to good use. I recommend a Baretta 9mm."

Children are being ushered off the streets in a desperate bid to keep the monster away from them. Some children are even being armed with MP5 machine guns as a precautionary measure.

"We'd advise any full-grown adult that they could probably take Mr Jackson down easily," said Jimmy Smits, a New York rabbai, "I expect he's a pushover."

In Western Hollywood schools have been shut down and other Ice Cream men and women are being given shotguns to protect any children they are serving should Jackson rear his ugly head in their vicinity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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