Stinking rich hyper-mega-rock-star Gene Simmonds, who made his trillions leading the heavy-metal band CHISZ, announced his plan to bring peace to the Middle East today.
"I've just inked a deal to buy the Gaza strip, and am negotiating an offer on the West Bank", he announced at a press conference, with his wife, Shannon the Shiksa, at his side.
When asked about the tone of negotiations, Gaza spokesman Yussuf bin-Issa simply said: "He drove us wild, we made him crazy".
West Bank negotiator Issa bin-Yussuf (no relation)expressed little concern for the future of his people should their remaining ancestral lands be sold out from under them. He summed up his attitude as: "We wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day!"
Speaking at the Wailing Wall, Rabbi Yeshua ben-Yozef (again, no relation) summed up the historical claims of the Jewish nation: "God gave rock and roll to us." After the applause subsided, he added: "We put our faith in a loud guitar!"