Written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw

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Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Stinking rich hyper-mega-rock-star Gene Simmonds, who made his trillions leading the heavy-metal band CHISZ, announced his plan to bring peace to the Middle East today.

"I've just inked a deal to buy the Gaza strip, and am negotiating an offer on the West Bank", he announced at a press conference, with his wife, Shannon the Shiksa, at his side.

When asked about the tone of negotiations, Gaza spokesman Yussuf bin-Issa simply said: "He drove us wild, we made him crazy".

West Bank negotiator Issa bin-Yussuf (no relation)expressed little concern for the future of his people should their remaining ancestral lands be sold out from under them. He summed up his attitude as: "We wanna rock and roll all night, and party every day!"

Speaking at the Wailing Wall, Rabbi Yeshua ben-Yozef (again, no relation) summed up the historical claims of the Jewish nation: "God gave rock and roll to us." After the applause subsided, he added: "We put our faith in a loud guitar!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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