Written by joseph k winter
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Friday, 1 August 2014

image for Denial of service Spoof attacker found, gives sordid confession
Members must submit to extirpation of the flexor carpi ulnaris immediately

Investigation has revealed the DOS or denial of service attacks recently experienced by The Spoof were the work of an international gang named FECAL.

This acronym stands for frequent efforts to collude against levity, the group's "mission," leading to DOS attacks.

DOS attacks are illegal. They cause problems affecting normal operations and financial considerations, plus interrupt the well-being of users to a given site.

FECAL's calling card depicts a large pile of bear scat full of manzanita berries and the motto: "We're FECAL and proud of it!"

So far one individual from this outfit, Mr. Alan Bleeshing, has been interrogated, with resulting profile of the group in general.

Members are humorless throughout their lives due to atrophy in the cheek muscles and ventromedial frontal lobe part of the brain.

Additionally, if any vestige of the the flexor carpi ulnaris (funny bone) is discovered it is surgically removed.

The uptight is not merely a passing option, but core mission throughout life.

Mr. Bleeshing explained that only the literal, factual, and authoritarian are allowed.

If an authority revered by FECAL declares something humorous members will force a smile, but not without pain and spasms of guilt throughout the night following.

Fortunately, such authorities are uniformly humorless. One clue as to who they are is the continuous absence of smile or humor in their public statements.

Another sign is they are heavily engaged in current wars with an air of self-righteousness and supremacy.

Any form of humor is despised by FECAL because it does not fit a worldview descending from Robert the Monk, a person interested in torture in the 10th century.

This worldview is based on a stopped-up toilet filled with merde that hasn't worked in months.

As part of induction ceremonies, new members train by studying this flotsam for hours at a time, including fruitless efforts to flush it.

Following this meditation, they compose essays, poems, and attack charts, with the stipulation that all speculation, supposition, research, and conclusion must be serious.

No glint of irony or amusement is allowed.

Mr. Bleeshing indicated fixations of this sort drive the group's attacks. No chortles of triumph are allowed when they find a likely target.

No fist pumps and "har har har!"

The Spoof was selected for attack due to an excess of "fun in a time filled with war, crime, injustice, and stupidity."

This travesty of having fun, he said, insults FECAL's vow to respond to humor as evil.

At that moment Mr. Bleeshing's right eye glinted with what might have been incoming intracerebral hemorrhage. Shortly afterwards he was short of breath.

He was subsequently released to his mother who promised to nurse him tenderly and keep him quiet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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