Written by Pedro Chemical
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Topics: Neverland

Monday, 24 November 2003

Investigators today uncovered a hidden laboratory underneath Michael Jacksons bizzare fun palace, Neverland.

The laboratory included several million dollars worth of high-tech equipment, and very powerful computers, with large tanks of bubbling coloured fluid. Government scientists were called to the scene to help identify the equipment and discover its use, and made a horrific discovery.

In a side room, with a secret sliding door, was an all metal room filled with dozens of Michael Jackson clones, in various states of whiteness.

Chad Weatherbrow, State Trooper, told us: "It was sheer accident how we were gotten into there, thems all these fellers walking backwards and making gasping noises like a stuck pig. Some of 'em had noses, some didn't, and there must've been six tons of monkey shit on the floor, I tell you man it was like hell in there."

Sylvester Handlebar, the FBI's spokeperson told us: "For now, we are assuming the Michael Jackson we have in custody is the original one, although we have been examining video footage from the seventies, and there doesn't seem to be much resemblance. We are taking seriously the possibility that we don't have the real Jackson, just a clone, but then it would be for the courts to decide if the clone is guilty or Jackson is. Not that anyone is guilty yet, or might not be found guilt or even go to court, or not. God bless America."

It has been estimated that there were between 100 and 120 clones of Jackson, with around 50 monkeys, although it was not clear whether these were clones or not. Professor Bernhard Ricecake, an expert in cloning at Cambridge University said: "It doesn't suprise me a bit that Jackson has been attempting to clone himself. It is a very expensive technology to try, and he has oddles of cash. I am flying to Washington today to see if we can get our hands on some of them. I'd like to chop some of those beuties up and see whats inside. Jackson appears to have adult clones, so he must have accelerated the growth process somehow, although it looks like the side effect is that the skin turns a very peculiar shade of white and bits of the nose fall off."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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