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Friday, 25 July 2014

image for Ancient biblical ambergris litters site of Jonah's Tomb destruction
A huge lump of ambergris had wrapped itself around the Prophet before being chucked up on God's orders

Mosul, Iraq - The wanton bombing of a Mosul mosque today saw much of the Iraqi city spattered with nearly half a ton of fossilised biliary secretion from the guts of an Old Testament sperm whale that did for the prophet Jonah.

The seer was buried in an elaborate cetean-themed tomb at the Mosque of the Prophet Younis after being vomited up by the sea beast on God's orders circa 6,000BC.

This morning renegade ISIS rebels claimed responsibility for the tomb blast amid relentless lobbying by the Kurdish anti-whaling lobby and the Non-Aligned Association of Licensed Ambergris peddlers.

Curators involved in the conservation of Jonah's tomb had previously said that at today's astronomical prices the ambergris cocooning Jonah would have been worth several million squid.

And despite trade in the extraordinary scented substance being illegal in many countries the black market sees one single gram of the precious goo retail for around $25.

Tonight a two mile exclusion zone has cordoned off the area to deter looters and biblical relic tourists.

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