Written by joseph k winter
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Friday, 18 July 2014

image for President contracts new misspeaking disease is rushed to Mt. Sinai Hospital
The President was rushed to Mt. Sinai Hospital following his appearance on CNN

Doctors at Mt. Sinai Hospital are not yet clear on a peculiar new disease affecting the President, where he is temporarily hospitalized.

The problem emerged directly after his return from a retreat at Camp David where he spent solitary time pondering a question he raised at a news conference a few months back.

This question "Is this who we are?" was at that time in reference to ongoing conflicts in world affairs, and has been interpreted to mean whether US actions reflect its traditional values as a democratic, progressive nation.

Since return from Camp David, Mr. Obama has appeared stressed, and most alarmingly been "speaking out of tune," according to reports from The Washington Post.

This new behavior has advisors and members of his party, particularly Hillary Clinton, alarmed.

For example, just last night in an interview with CNN, speaking in his characteristic stern if not lecturing manner in the style of a preacher, the President proceeded into the current situation on the Gaza Strip.

"No nation on earth," he said, "would tolerate being forced into an apartheid situation, then asymmetrically bombed, which by the way--this disproportionate bombardment--is against international law."

CNN reporters on the set were horrified at these words, especially as the President rose to his feet at that moment and began pacing the newsroom's set, wagging his left index finger at the camera.

"Further, this killing of four children aged 7 to 11 on the beach, which--this targeting civilians--is also a violation of international law and was apparently deliberate. It occurred a full minute after destruction of the target--as the children were running--"

At this point Mr. Obama broke off, perhaps attempting to control his emotions before adding--"And that target may or may not have held Hamas--and probably not!"

By this point CNN producers were waving their arms and whispering go to commercial break immediately with an excuse later of some technical malfunction.

But they delayed for precious minutes and meanwhile the President gathered energy for what some later called an imitation of Martin Luther King, Jr., including voice at a deeper tonal register.

"And another thing," the President lowered his brow into the camera, looking very angry and self-righteous. "This action in Ukraine is extremely dangerous. It amounts to a provocation that could lead on to world war."

Desperate, the CNN anchor (who requested anonymity for this report) interrupted: "Ah, Mr. President--"

But Mr. Obama swung icily around:

"Don't interrupt! After all, it was the United States itself initiating the crisis in Ukraine, by its own State Department, and now the Kiev government is running amok--"

But right then CNN shut down the President to a commercial for Victoria's Secret, several lingerie models smiling.

At this time, according to Josh Earnest, Vice President Biden will step in because the President is "temporarily sidelined with a misspeaking flu."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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