Written by E. Williams
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Monday, 7 July 2014

image for Joran van der Sloot Marries Next Victim in Prison
Van der Sloot's bachelor pad

Lima, Peru - In what promises to be a future Disney love-story movie, murderer and all around bad guy Joran van der Sloot married a psychotic chick this week in prison, where he met and impregnated the brainless female.

Van der Sloot, who gained notoriety for briefly getting away with the disappearance and alleged murder of vacationing Natalee Holloway back in 2005, is currently serving 28 years in a Peruvian jail for the murder of a woman he met in a casino in this South American country.

The crafty Dutchman has been a bad boy for years so, naturally, he attracts the cream of the crop in women. His new bride sounds like she and Joran were destined to be together.

An accountant from Peru, van der Sloot's bride loves animals, sunset strolls, and getting her throat slashed. She is also a fan of being strangled and, one day, after Joran is released from prison, she hopes to be dismembered and have her body parts sealed in barrels and dumped in the ocean.

Some girls go their whole lives never knowing what they truly want but the new Mrs. van der Sloot is not one of them. "I have dreamed of being violently murdered and having newspaper stories written about my grisly death since I was a little girl. And now it's all coming true!" she said.

The happy couple signed a pre-nuptial agreement before the blessed event stating that when van der Sloot killed his new wife at some point in the future, her family would make no claims to the killer's estate but would instead receive only free publicity related to their sorrow and the search for Joran.

It is clear the pathetic couple deserve each other and, we can only hope, the ghost of Natalee Holloway will never be too far away from van der Sloot, making his life a living hell.

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